Soul Search

Sexy Back

2006-08-09T23:50:00.000-06:00

YES. I'm talking about that new Justin Timberlake song. I like it at the moment. My ears crave more.

I went rollerblading tonight, and man, it always feels so good, and I feel free and on top of the world. It's like I rule this smooth concerete path infront of me, and I wave at others as I weave my way in and out of the painted lines. I can't really even begin to describe how it makes me feel.

I went for dinner with my rents tonight, and that was nice. I enjoy spending time with them, we all joke around.

I found out today that I have toncillious. However you atually spell that...it was never a word I needed to know how to spell. lol. If you were to touch my neck, you could feel this wierd, hard bump on the right side. It's kinda cool, except I feel completely zoned out and I have a sore throat.

So it looks like I'll be going to work for my mom again soon, and work less at Rickis' and then schooling it as well.

I am happy with the way things are going right now--and I've really learned a lot about my learning style, and how to put forward the things that I want and how to at least get a grip on figuring out what I want out of life.

I know inside, and always have known, that I have power. If I choose to acheive something major or minor, and it's what I really want, I will absolutley do it. I speak with conviction, truth and confidence.

The whole Sutherland thing was a gongshow of an experience, I felt very demeaned in the end. I felt as though I'd been sold.

No matter, I will keep going, stronger and better than before.

Anyways, I intended to have a funny entry, but it's not looking like one, so maybe I'll just be serious for once.

"_______ needs help"

2005-11-09T00:23:00.000-07:00

Google "(your name) needs" and post the top 10 results:(After the results, please prepare for complete sarcasm from me about my life based on the results)

Amy needs help!!!!
Amy needs help!!!!
Amy needs help!!!!
Amy needs help!!!!
Amy needs a drug-dealer's testimony to free a teenager wrongfully accused
Amy needs to decide if this fits her idea of a good relationship
Amy needs to mend her ways and be more of a team player
Amy needs help for life
Amy needs a new pair of shoes
Amy needs to either wake up or start getting some extra will-power

LOL This Cracked me up.

That just sums up my life story.

I need help, because this drug dealer I know might be able to testify to the innocence of a teenager that was wrongfully accused of something they just didn't do! I don't know if this drug dealer is a good Idea for a relationship...Maybe I need to mend my ways, and help sell drugs, become more of a team player. Maybe I need a life coach...Someone who could help me with life, tell me what to do, as if they know me better than I know me...Maybe I just need a pair of new shoes. Oh me and the shoes, I need to either wake up and smell the coffee, because no shoes are coming my way, or I need to get some extra will power and buy less food.

My life to a T! Google is Psychic!!! :O

How To Be A Great Boyfriend, In 10 (or so) Easy Steps

2005-11-08T21:31:00.000-07:00

Even if you’re ‘comfortable’ with each other, if you’re cuddling on the couch, and you’re watching something you know she’s probably not enjoying, like football, at least smile at her on occasion, tickle her, touch her skin. Do something so that she knows you haven’t confused her with a blanket.
Don’t finish before she does. Nice guys are supposed to finish last.
Don’t always just sit around at your house---she doesn’t really like to.
Be proud that she is with you, show her off, be appreciative, call her your girlfriend, because you’re a lucky bastard.
When she wears cool underwear…let her know you dig them.
Show that you’re sexually interested in her…not just women, but her specifically.
Take the time to talk to her…not deep, “US” conversations, because if she can’t talk to you like she’d talk to a friend, something isn’t right.
Show her you’re happy when you see her---smile…hug her, kiss her. Do something. Don’t just sit around as if she’s always going to be there. She won’t be if you keep that up.
Think of different things to do, and make a suggestion to go out and do something other than watching movies at your house.
Be Honest, be considerate, and don’t disrespect her.

Moving and Moving

2005-11-06T22:46:00.000-07:00

Well, the place looks and feels good. I still need some pics, so I'll be strapping some of Dave's Art to the walls, and soaking in the good vibrations from the place.

I have met three other tennants in the building so far, and spied some youngins down the hall. I'm more a fan of older folk, because I know they are less stupid and annoying, and generally conscious of others around them.
One of my fellow tennants is a lady named Pat, and I believe she is a little bit shy, but friendly, nonetheless.
Another fellow tennant is Lloyd, and I like him. He reminds me of a slightly younger version of my Grandpa, except minus the joking. I really miss my Grandpa a lot lately. He just makes me laugh. I have a bond with him. I also have this feeling deep down that I don't have much time to get in a 'last' visit. It's getting stronger all the time. :( I will be so sad when that day comes.
The last tennant I'll speak of is Jim, and his guidedog Woody. I officially met him in the hall today, when my bro and dad were helping move in the sofa's, and he remembered my voice. :) I had served him at Save On in the past, and also Helped him at Shoppers Drug Mart one day. :)

I can hear the buzzer when people are letting their friends in, but it doesn't bother me. It just reminds me that people are alive, and I'm not 'really' alone in my building. It also reminds me of my grandparent's place in Burnaby in some wierd way. I have set up my bedroom, and I also have a second bedroom which will be a cross between a computer/media room, and also a GIANT ASS VANITY room. :) lol.

My Kitchen is very cute, but very 'white', for lack of better words. I have no food in my fridge right now either. I'll need to work on that.I'm staying at the rents tonight--and it's so wierd, because I feel like I'm split between the two places as home. I'll always feel a strong tie to my family; always.

On another tangent...Marketing is Sexy. I know from apartment to Marketing. Woo. I sent some 'ideas' off tonight, so hopefully there will be a good result. Let's just cross our fingers...It could mean good things for me. :) Woo.

I miss Donna already. :( Even though I just spend like three days in Vic with her. Some friends are more like family than friends.There are two types of family; Blood family, and The family you build along the way. It could include co-workers, close friends, or that 'regular' at the coffee shop where you are also a 'regular.'

I feel so wierd about my life right now. When one door closes, another one opens, and it's always like that. Sometimes, you just need to turn the page and remember what you just took in, so that you will fully appreciate what you will see next.

Hangover Hammock

2005-10-22T13:05:00.000-06:00

Oh man. That sums up exactly how I feel right now. I have had a lot of trouble keeping water down as a matter of fact, but on the other hand, I did have about 8 shots in about an hour, and then another double of vodka. I had a lot to drink.

It was a fun night though. A whole schwack of fun people came out: Melissa, Teri, Jack, Shawn, Damon, Larissa, Tracy, Kristina, Angus, KYLA!!, Sean, Travis, Sarojie--I'm sure there were more, but I am still a wee bit fuzzy.

There was dancing, and there are now 23 pictures of guys kissing me on my cheek on Kristina's camera, and I know I got full on kissed by some nasty guy. Ewww. Eww. I remembered that this morning. I feel a little bit more disturbed about it now. I'm sure I acted like a really big idiot. lol.

I came in, and loudly stumbled and fell into my bed. I could only last long enough to peel off my outer layer of clothes, and fell asleep in my underwear. I did, however, manage to take out my contacts, which I'm still amazed by at this moment.

I'm so happy that so many people that I like were able to come out and help me celebrate. :) It was a good time. :)

Whole Wheat Bread Sticks--Any takers?

2005-09-25T21:57:00.000-06:00

It's really strange, but great---I feel whole. I felt like for a while something was missing, and now I've found it. I think I just stopped being myself there for a while, and now I'm back in action. :) And...I'm really happy even though work is kinda stressful, and other things were on my mind...but it's like I found this clarity, and it's all mine, and it's here to stay.

Ask Heather

2005-09-15T20:04:00.000-06:00

Sometimes one of your friends says something so good that you just can't resist posting it in your blog:

[About men]
"They think that everything is fine and there is never any need to pay attenton to details, guys are basic thinkers. They use logic to control thoughts not emotions like women"--Heather S.

Wow. That was just a great line.

Harry Potter Book titles you Probally won't see

2005-09-08T21:36:00.000-06:00

These are from this site:

http://www.stupid.com/jokes/potter/index.htm

Harry PotterStill Can't BelieveIt's Not Butter
Harry Potter Gets Contactsand Discovers the Magic ofA Good Haircut
Harry Potter and theSouth ParkStudent Exchange Program
Harry Potter Swim Suit Edition Calendar
Harry Potter and the Mime That Wouldn't Shut Up
Harry Potter and theSmiley-faced Guy WhoGoes Around Wal-MartMaking Stuff CheaperThan It Already Is
Harry Potter and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
Harry Potter and the High Voltage Fence
Harry PotterBecomes AHoliday DecorationTelemarketer

These are a few I made up:

Harry Potter learns about roofies
Harry Potter goes to Neverland Ranch
Harry Potter participates in Jump Rope for Heart
Harry Potter turns over a new leaf and starts selling Girl Guide cookies on the blackmarket
Parry Hotter gets drunnnkkkkkkk......Haaaa....thasss funneh...*thump*
Harry Potter starts an EMO band
Harry Potter changes his name to Dirk Fox
Dirk Fox makes new friends
Harry Potter wakes up at Richard Simmons house
Harry Potter gets a job at eBay
Harry Potter becomes a gardner and is well known for his bushy beard and talent for potting plants....

Yes, I think I'm done for now, but I'm sure I'll have more...

Germans and Russians and Czechs, oh my!

2005-08-20T14:03:00.001-06:00

Last night was a blast. So was this morning. I found out that Phil, and Peter and Petr were going to be in town, and we all got together along with Heather, Sarah, Andrew, Phil's sis who's name is slipping my mind right now, but she's still cool, and Peter's gf Nicole. Phil and Peter were hilarious as usual, and Petr had to leave a wee bit early, which kinda sucked, but it was still awesome to spend quality drinking time with them. We did some drop shots, which I had to drink half-assed, because I knew if I didn't, I was going to spit it back up. I bought some Rocky Mountain Bear #@@#$&*! and they were pretty good. We all did one of those. I was a bad shot drinker last night, couldn't stomach them. Sometimes I'm like that. I didn't throw them up, but I knew that If I shot them back right away...it wouldn't be a good idea, as I was a wee bit tired and my gag reflex would have kicked in. We ended up at Moe's, and anybody who knows me, also knows of my passionat dislike of Moe's...

Nelson Misadventures

2005-08-13T13:34:00.000-06:00

I left Vernon at 11:00. I would have left at 9:00, but I told Eric and Natasha I'd wait to see if their schedules would permit them to come. They did not, and so I left later than I would have liked. It was a good day for driving. The drove seemed to last forever. I think I tuned out most of it, and I spent a good portion of my time spacing out and realizing that this was absolutely the most BORING drive ever. I listened to my Hot Action Cop three times, and also my Thornley CD. Then I switched it up and listened to some old mixes with alternative and rap.
At Westbridge--I made a wrong turn, and noticed I was lost when the road suddenly became gravel. I was 33km off the main road, and I knew this because there just happened to be a market nearby stating this. :( I was scared, and my cell had no reception, and part of me wondered if I would be left stranded, in the middle of nofreakingwhere. My gas tank, although 3/4 full, still left me fearful of wether or not I'd reach the next gas station. I luckily found a little ranch, and was able to ask for directions.
Me, Upon entering the house and being stared at while people were thinking, "Who is this stranger?": "I think I'm lost. How do I get to Castlegar from here?"
Kind young woman with brown hair and an orange and white small-striped tank top: "You are in Christian Valley, you took a wrong turn at Westbridge, go back and make sure you take a right where you turned left. You are coming from Kelowna right?"
Me, with my voice starting to tremble and realizing she knew I was upset: "Yes."
Her:"Yeah, just go back the way you came."
Me: *I hug her* "Thank you."...as my voice broke.
When I got outside, I started to cry quietly. I was so scared! I was also taking this Trek Alone, and I'd never driven to Nelson before. I'm good now, but at the time...I was so upset. :(
I thought I was going to be stranded....away from all civilization.
Now I'm sitting in the Salmo Library, where Lindy and I are using the two computers. There is no msn here, so I still feel cut off... :( Boo, sucky no internet. I forgot to get Lindy a Birthday Present! The whole reason I came down here! haha. Pretty funny stuff! Last night we went to the Redfish Gril, where our waiter had the most beautiful brown eyes, I'd say heavenly actually that I'd ever seen. Wow. I'm still stuck on that gorgeous pair of eyes...
Right, but I'm going to finish this entry before I start to drool and think dreamily about boys. Ha ha.
Tonight we're staying at Lindy' s Mom's new house, after spending a wonderful sleep at her Sister's new house. We find out Monday if Lindy is Preggers this time, and I also find out if I got the trainer job on Monday. It's really ironic.
I'm really sad there is no msn here. I Feel cut off. My cell phone doesn't work most places out here. :( It's lonely out here. I couldn't live like this. I need internet, I need coffee shops, and I need my cell phone. We haven't made plans yet for tonight, but I think we'll be playing hacki sack and jamming on Lindy's Guitar. We should be going to the beach at some point today, and then maybe I'll even get a chance to buy the present I forgot to buy(which I admitted to Lindy haha--and we both laughed about) if we go into Nelson.
I just finished eating a Quesidillia, and I feel sickish. There was a sickening amount of cheese inside of it. It was wrong. Other than that, it was really good.
MSN...I miss you baby.

10:4 Rubber Ducky

I will write you a story

2005-08-07T23:12:00.000-06:00

:) This is how I feel right now.

It's been a really good weekend. Friday night--I stayed home and slept. Saturday around noon I headed out to Komasket Music festival with Tracy and we met up with Damon. The three of us manned the merchandise booth until 10:00 and listened to all the bands. The music was great, and it was such a good vibe. We met some people from this crazy program where you travel to two different countries, and that was cool. One of the things I remember from the festival was Belly Dancing. I think I'd like to learn how to do that. Maybe join Yoga or something, but that may be too passive for me. I headed home at 11:00, and boy was I tired. Sunday Morning I read a teeny bit of my book, made some good lunch, and watched a little TV. I went to the beach with Jamie and we read and talked for a bit. Then I saw Justin for a breif hello, and headed home to get dinner. All day I was stoked to go to Bean to Cup. I haven't been there forever, and it was just what I needed. It was what I felt like I had been missing for so long. I saw Nate, and Court and some of the other kids. Reschmeister and Krista were there, so was Monica, and I saw Chris and Skinny, and Andrew from work came out. I also chatted to Karla a bit. We all played Balderdash--that was a blast. There were some sweet funny definitions such as 'cicatrix' which Nathan defined as "That flakey shit at the bottom of a box of tricks...I hate that flaky shit." lol. I liked one that I had too, which was the word 'kaling' which I defined as 'Nathan singing in the shower.'
I'm getting excited about seeing Lindy in Nelson next weekend! Oy! They implanted the embryo again, so hopefully it works out this time. I have a good feeling. :) We are all behind her 100%.
I got an email from somebody today. :) That made me super happy because I hadn't talked to them for a while. :) I was girlie happy. :) *sigh*
It has been really nice to re-connect with Becky again, and nice to hang out with her. I'm really glad we did. We've been friends for so long. So many people come and go, and the special ones are worth it, and they stick around.
All and all, I feel that I really was awarded with this weekend, and it was just what I needed. I needed a dash of random, and a little bit of the old, and a little bit of the new. :)

I feel good again. :) Now I'm just going to work on those ten extra lbs... :)

Justin's New Computer

2005-07-22T20:07:00.000-06:00

I'm on Justin's new computer. I'm chilling at his house and he and Lindy are getting ready to head out camping to meet up with CC, Pam, Linda, and Laura? I think. Work this week was good. Melissa was away so I had to do the service level reports...and what do you know it, my computer was messed up so I had to email ahead to let the people expecting the report know that it would be late. It was all good though, so that's good. I'm really distracted by guys lately. There seems to be a lot to look at. None of them are serious, but it's good to be entertained. I am enjoying it, so this is having fun for me right now--Window shopping for guys. I don't really need one, can't really afford one, lol, and know I'd use one miminally. LOL. There are a couple cute guys at work. Right--so back to work. I'm excited because I'm working on a developing program to make the reps self efficient. I think by developing it, I will really show initiative and I think it will be a good move. :) What else. Earlier today, I enjoyed chillin' at home, listening to Russian Music, and lit some Nagchampa insense (How do you spell it?), I also shaved my legs, exfoliated my face, and just pampered myself. I even tried these new sweet oral-b white strips I got from the states(I'm sure they work better than the Canadian ones--The FDA will approve anything lol). It was really nice to have some me time. I was thinking of renting the new Will Smith movie on video, Hitch, and just watching it alone. Right, I have been invited to a BBQ tonight with Jesse and his girlfriend Harmony. I think it will be fun to go. I'll probally just bring some food, or a snack or something. Tomorrow night I'm supposed to go out with Heather and Tammy...and that will be fun. I'm not sure what to wear though. I am thinking of buying some Bohemian style shirt with sequins or something. I really need to find a sexy shirt. I don't do sexy enough, I can, but it's not really me. I'm just laid back and friendly. I do realize that I need to embrace my inner female once in a while, so hopefully---I will find a sexy shirt. ;) Boo yea'! What else? Oh right, I'm getting my hair died tomorrow. I'm thinking I kind of have an idea for hair colour. I want to stick to blonde, similar to the colour I have now, but I'd like to have some warm brown near the top with golden streaks in it. I don't know if that will really work, but if it's possible, Peter is really good with hair colour, and I'm sure he could do it. I'll also just see what he thinks in terms of hair colour. I could just totally switch it up and go with a spanish style brownish red with blonde highlights. That would be cool. Anyways, this is all that's really been on my mind lately, but it's nice to get it all out and just enjoy the moment away from my constant thinking. I guess I'll go and pick up a magazine for hair styles and colours now and rent a movie? Get some dinner? Get some? lol :) Oh...I just found out that my cousin Joanna lives in Kelowna. It's crazy. I feel like randomly going to Kelowna tonight. I should just bust out and head to Kelowna. I wonder if Tania has anyplans? Hmm...What will I do tonight?!! Find out next week, on SOULSEARCH...

Sad

2005-07-19T23:16:00.000-06:00

I'm not really sad. I'm just tired, and slightly emotional. I feel kinda like crying for no reason...I just feel like I need some loving hugs, not the shallow ones, but the loving, caring ones. *le sigh*
House is such a good show. I love the characters.

It feels like Summer

2005-07-18T17:28:00.000-06:00

Finally! The weather has been really chochy lately. I'm sitting here at home, and my left eye is dry--even though I have a new pair of contacts in. What is wrong with my eyes? Matt at work got laser eye surgery. I really need to investigate. He said he went to Pacific Something...

This past weekend, Lindy and I went to Osoyoos. It was cool. We spend Saturday driving down, roaming town, eating yummy pasta from earls with tomato spinach feta (Yum!), and driving the go carts. They're more like cool, realistic looking little mini-race cars. They even have the seatbelts and the helmets. We had ice cream afterwards, I had Cookies and Cream, which didn't really taste like it, and we met some hotties. They met up with us at the pub later.

They were nice, but mostly, it was just cool to say we met some guys out on the town. We picked up four between the two of us. ;) Chicka bow bow! hehe.

Sunday we went on this 'Tumblewhirl' ride, which is really the 'Tiltawhirle,' with a different name. I felt kinda sick afterwards. :S Eww. After that we played mini-golf in the hot sun. We played seriously for the first nine, and I was winning, and after that we rocked out to the music and just had fun and goofed around for the rest. I told Lindy on the last hole, "Whoever sinks this one first wins the whole round." No sooner had I said it, she knocks her yellow golf ball into the hole. My purple ball was sadly louging slightly off to the side, looking depressed. haha

After that, we went to the beach. It was gorgeous on Sunday...the water was really cold, refreshing definately. After that, we drove back. I managed to find half of a really good sandwich along the way from the local Supervalue, and it left me wanting more, which there wasn't...more.

Here I sit today, after a strange day at work. It was good. I'm trying to focus on helping people, and I admit, there will be some challenges. I accidentally sent a msn message intended for my supervisor(who I sit with cause I'm TL) to the rep the message was about, so I had to explain it--The message pretty much said that I thought she might have time getting coaching notes from me, cheifly from a vibe I got. When I told her what I meant by the comment, I was just honest, which is the best thing to have done in that situation. I felt bad--because I know if I'd read that, I might have felt wierd. Everybody seems to accept me as TL, which is a good thing. I was a little woried there might be problems, but it seems ok. I still feel slightly uncomfortable taking escalations at the back of the room. Especially when they are crazy people...

I had a cool lady today, she tried to sell me on her store items. :) I enjoyed that. It was cute.
It made me want to check out her store items actually, so maybe I will. :)

I heard some slightly not-happy news today, but I think it may have been for the best. Even though I was interested, there are a couple concerns I had about persuing the matter. Does that sound vague? Good. It's supposed to. ;)

:) Kisses

YEAHOOO!!!

2005-07-11T13:55:00.000-06:00

That title means one thing!

I got it!
I'm at work on my afternoon break...and there I was...sitting at the computer, and our HR lovely lady asked if I would accept the position. I am so happy!

I'm going to smile for the rest of the day! :)

Money money money money! Money!

2005-07-08T14:07:00.000-06:00

Ironically, my entry has nothing...YES NOTHING! To do with money what-so-ever. :) *grinning madly*
I'm just on my afternoon break, and I'm sitting here, watching some guy drop off his resume wtih some very funky hair. It's stylish, but almost too stylish to the left side specifically. He's wearing all black with a white t-shirt underneath. We're all anxiously waiting for the announcement of who will be the new Team Lead. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I've had a fair amount of calls today, and I think my call time is down. I'm starting to resent this one person here---I just feel as thought they're judgmental...and it's none of their business... Nobody in my phones crew--we's all coo' foo'.
So yeah, now I have 2 whole minutes left...and then after that...only...AN HOUR! Wahoo! And then...that's right, it's the weekend. Bust out the music and Par-tay. I am currently chewing on a piece of gum. Exiting, yes.
One minute left, I should wrap this up now. And how you know how quickly five minutes passes by...I spend five minutes writing, and all I have is this much blog...

:) Smiles and Happy Weekends to all!

Speshul shouttts to Lindy! :)

Tech Support

2005-07-07T09:16:00.000-06:00

There is a really funny website with a cartoon called 'Tech Support' on this site. It is worth the gander.
So here I sit, I'm on break at work, and as a self-named net-kid, I am glad to be able to access the internet at this time. :) JOY! So Lindy is back in Salmo. I saw her msn name this morning, and the end said 'Bored.' Aww, poor bored Lindy. I think my brain has psychologically prepared to not see her for a while...
So I had my interview the other day, and I think it went well. I am hoping to find out who gets the position either today, tomorrow, or MONDAY. I really think it will be Friday though.
I was fast on my calls this morning. I think I had taken four inthe first 20 minutes. I was pretty proud about that.
I like the work enviornment I have. People are friendly, and like me, appreciate joking around. It's like heaven--in terms of people and personalities. I am appreciative of it all. I should probally be getting back to that thing I call a desk shortly. It actually is a desk, a nice desk at that. There's nothing wrong with it...We all know that we wish break would last a little longer...that's why the desk is ever-s0-slightly menacing. Ok. Well this is me, signing out for now. :) Chicka bow bow.

Eye of the Tiger

2005-07-05T19:29:00.001-06:00

Where to start! It's been sooo long. Right now I'm gettin' groove on, and my clothes picked out for an interview I have tomorrow for the Team Lead position. So far, I know there are 5 or 6 other hopefulls, so I hope I do the best. :)
Lindy has left for Salmo/Nelson today. She will be back for Wakefest! on Saturday though. There's a bowling and pizza thing on Saturday night for work, but I want to visit with Bev and Donna and Saroj and Jamie when they're down.
I met this really cool guy today on my break at lunch. He reminded me what it was to dream in an entrepreneurial way. He inspired me. I introduced myself, and gave asked to exchange msn addy's. I really hope to see him again. He had this really cool idea for a venue--and it was cool that he could share it with me. It made me think today, that I wanted to start a non-profit organization that would donate money towards new entrepreneurs to start up their businesses with. That business would, in turn, once it was on its feet, donate money back into the program, so essentiall, it would be like a recycled loan, and would go towards smart, well-developed business plans. I think it would be a great idea. I'm going to do some digging next week into this idea. I hope it works out. It may proove to be too much though.
There is someone kind of in my head. Not a person--not voices. I have just been thinking that this specific person, if they lived closer, could hold real promise in terms of a relationship. I think we are very similar, and possibly feel the same way.
Well, I better go downstairs, and revamp myself for the interview tomorrow at 2:30pm. It's ten minutes after I get off work. I will need to push hard all day to get at least 32-35 calls, and I know my numbers are low, and call time is high. It gets depressing though. I know I can handle TL, I just need to jump on the bandwagon. If it doesn't work out, maybe I'll look into working for Sierra. I know they're interviewing right now, and that they already love me there. :) I just hope that everything works out the way it's supposed to, and somehow in my benefit.

Hokay

2005-04-22T13:51:00.000-06:00

Hokay...
We're supposed to leave the house in ten minutes to go to Maui for 17 days. My brother hasn't even packed yet. I had most of my stuff packed for a few days, and he's been a dumb ass and really un-organized. We're all going to be stressed out because we need to leave, and we only have an hour window between getting to the airport and leaving, and I'm mad at him for leaving this all to the last minute. Nothing I do will make him go any faster, so instead of yelling at him, I'm being constructive and writing about it in cyberspace instead. Now everyone reading this will know my frustrations with my 19 year old brother!
My stuff is so organized. If it was someone else...I'd laugh at them, but as it turns out, I'm laughing at how rediculously prepared I am. I also just realized that from the top view of the inside of my suitcase, most of my clothes are blue and pink. Interesting.

2005-04-20T01:25:00.000-06:00

Welll.....I got the call today, I was offered the Job I wanted at Sutherland. I actually got off the phone and screamed in joy. I can't tell anyone how much I wanted to work for them. I know for some people it might be 'just a job' but for me, it's way more. Way more...

I'm going to Maui on Friday, and everything is looking good. I dropped off my letter of resignation to my old boss, and she's so great, I had already told her that I had a good chance of getting on, so I didn't catch her offguard. She wished me well, and tomorrow night is my last night at Breadeaux Pizza. Amy's Celebrity Endorsement: BREADEAUX PIZZA IS SOOOO GOOD! :D

I emailed Rhonda, really nice, cool lady, to tell her that I couldn't make many games for soccer, and that I couldn't be on the team. I decided that I'd just play outdoor drop in, I really like all the people who go and play. Such a nice crew. I just wasn't feeling the vibe for the other team, in all reality. Things work out for a reason.

So right now, I'm just where I want to be. If all goes well, I'll be able to move out soon and find a cool place. I feel like everything is working out right now, this truly is grand.

Randomness

2005-04-18T01:06:00.000-06:00

It's something that I truly love...and Amanda has the most random comics ever. I love them. You should check them out.

You will be disturbed, but you will laugh heartily.

Well, I'm not going to give it huge effort

2005-04-15T02:19:00.000-06:00

I was upset about something, and I told someone I felt a certain way. When I spent the last few days thinking about it, I really didn't feel that way at all. Just the opposite, in fact.

I don't know if we will still be friends, but I'm just feeling that less effort is required in general.

I feel better just writing that down, and knowing how I actually feel now.

Me Sleepy...

2005-04-14T16:44:00.000-06:00

Zzzzz. Oh Wait, I can't sleep yet. I need to write in here and then go to work.

As you may have guessed, I'm uber tired. I think it's a combination from Soccer Tuesday night, being terribly out of shape for it, being emotionally tired, having a sinus cold and being stressed out. Fair enough, right?

Something that bugged me today: I showed Eric my pics, and he was like they're um....ok. If you don't like something, make a creative suggestion. It's a more positive thing to do. Then I don't write about you in my blog and get bitchy thinking about it.

Pffffffff. So damned tired. Wish I could just sleep.

Realizations

2005-04-13T01:10:00.000-06:00

Well, I guess it's one of those times that I admit to myself that things were bound to change anyways. I had a blast for the last little while hanging out with a group of pretty cool people I called friends. I just have this feeling, like I know, that it's going to change again.
I can say, that in part, it's due to an overextension of a friendship, and a change in dynamic.
No matter how it ended, it was bound to eventually. It makes me sad. On the other hand, perhaps it's just my insecurities, and my pessimistic attitude that make me think this. I feel kind of in the wrong about something I said, but I also feel like I was wronged in terms of lack of respect from a friend. I just don't know what I want to do about it now.

On another note, I realized just how out of shape I am. Outdoor soccer isn't like Indoor at all. Indoor there is less distance to cover, and more ball to kick. I guess I'm just not in as great shape as I used to be. I am realizing now that maybe my glory days in soccer have been lived.
The first game of the year--frankly sucked. The coach had no sense of humor, and judged me as a bitch off the bat. I have played soccer for a long time, and since I was with a new team, with their own system, I was trying to do everything that I was told to do. I was told to follow my check, which was silly, because I was following them all over the field, leaving my position open. Still, I listened to what I was told to do, and then I was basically scolded for it by the coach, who told me to listen to the 'sweeper'. I am a big fan of positional soccer, not check on check, it is absolutley stupid, and the least effective way to play soccer. If you play soccer like a defensive unit only, you won't go anywhere. So I told the coach I was just confused by being told to do two totally different things, to which he told me it wasn't a big deal, and we didn't have to make a big deal out of it. At that point I was embarassed, because he had said it rather loudly. I was mad, and so I said , "I wasn't trying to. I'm just telling you that I was doing what I was told."
I already think he is a jerk, just from the way he treated me. I felt like the bitchy new girl. But I'm not a bitch, and I'm not so new to soccer. I don't really know if I want to stay in the league and play. I am thinking of trying to get in shape a little bit more, and then if I still don't like the dynamic, I will just go and play drop-in outdoor. I'd rather play soccer for fun and for exitement than for the sheer joy of winning. I hate it when people get pissy on the field.

I guess I do have a bit of an ego when it comes to soccer. I know what I know, because I am smarter than most people on the field. It doesn't take a brainiac to play soccer, but it takes a brain to understand more than just what is taught to you. It just pisses me off that I can't play as well as I used to, and that I'm more of a hinderance, than a help. I felt a little helpless.
I know that I can get into better shape, and return and be better. Perhaps, with my footwork, I belong up front as a forward. I think I am great an anticipating play, it's a strength that not many soccer players have, and not many would ever think about. I'd like to be able to use my own abilities better.

When I think of what fun I might be missing out by not playing drop in, it makes me a little bit sad. I am friends with all of the girls--they are so friendly, and fun. I know that we all get along, and if we screw up, it doesn't matter, because we are there to have fun, there for leisure, not to be bitchy and forget that soccer is a game, and how you play it is important. A few years ago, I may have worded that differently.

I'm still waiting to find out about Sutherland. I am almost hoping to get the job less if it's a phone job. I am really keen on an email, computer customer service job. I'm supposed to find out in the next two days. I am anticipating a phone call. I just hope I can do email customer service. Even if it's phones, I might do it, just for the money, so I can pay off my student loans. Once that is accomplished, I will go to Vancouver and Sell Real Estate with my Aunt. I think that is a good plan for now.

I guess it's such a time for change right now, and I don't deal well with people floating in and out of my life because I get attached to them. It makes me sad when people go away. I think that's a big part of why I have a hard time trusting people now. I feel like some people are just out to get something from me. I realize that maybe I'm out to get something from certain people too, not in a deceitful, using way, but maybe in terms of staying. I guess sometimes I just want people to stay around, that I forget that if something is meant to be around, it will.

So, to finish up here, I wrote a cool beginning of a story. I haven't been able to finish any of the ones I have started lately, but this one came to me, "Like Peter Pan at my Window", if I quote lyrics from a Nelly Furtado song that I like. I am really exited, and proud of it.

It's such a time of change right now...I know I will survive, but I guess it's in my nature to kind of fear change, and hope things stay familiar. I keep noticing how much like a typical 'Scorpio' I am. I guess there is something to Astrology. About Change though, today, for the first time, I wasn't afraid of it, and I felt like I welcomed it.

I think my spirit has opened up, and I am re-evaluating myself again, with a different sort of eye. I am noticing that maybe I am a bit stubborn and lately my ego has been floating around me in a negative way. Ego is a silly thing, even as a girl, where you'd think ego isn't there, mine is there. I'd like to think that I am cool, that I'm respected, but I guess it all comes down to who you've been good to, who cares about you and who you care about. And yet, knowing this, I still want to be more well known, more cool, yada yada yada. It feels good to write this down and just get it out. Fine with me if somebody reads it. I'm letting go that I feel bad about it. The universe can take my self-doubt, and pessimsm, and change it up for positivity.

Anyways, this has been a really good entry for me. Slightly like therapy...

Project Noir

2005-04-12T17:17:00.000-06:00

I am so stoked. Apart from going to play soccer tonight, weighing only 128 lbs, and being freaking happy in general, I'm even more happy that I just finished a Story line. There is still much of the story yet to go, and an order board to fill, but this story will be just great. It is fantastic, and there is much action, and very film noir.
A friend had an idea to make a film noir, and it gave a challenge. I studied up, and I still need to study up more, but I have been getting so many book ideas, and finally this one comes along, and it's perfect. I was even able to give it an ending. It's going to be fantastically amazing. :D Very Amazing. This may even make my life goal of writing a book, do able. YAY!

2005-04-12T00:00:00.001-06:00

Driving

2005-04-12T00:00:00.000-06:00

Postfade

2005-04-11T23:59:00.000-06:00

Straight On

2005-04-11T23:58:00.000-06:00

On the Angle

Today is the day!

2005-04-11T21:41:00.000-06:00

After a breifly turbulent night, one that I have recovered from perhaps fully, amazingly...I am doing well today.
In fact, so well, that I am bored. I think I'll go tanning.
I re-evaluated a situation and realized that deep down, I didn't really care about the person who I felt had hurt me yesterday. I mean, I did care about them as a friend, and I do think they owed me a little more decency than that...But...I'm ok. Life goes on.

My eyes have that same old burning pain again. I woke up again this morning with puffy eyes, a sheer Joy! (*strike up the choir for another chorous of Halleleiujah!*) At least I had three different bottles of eye drops to use; the fourty dollar bottle that I'm not sure I should still use, the Visene for contact lens wearers, or the good old-fashioned regular Visene. Guess what I used? Oh ho! That's right, the regular stuff. Usually it never works for me, however, this morning I popped a single into each eye, and low and behold my eyes went from being seriously red and veiney, to being almost white. It was a miracle. I was astonished. I really was.

Luckily, the astonishment wore off and I was able to move again. It's a good thing too because I had my testing day at Sutherland this morning at 10AM. I think I did alright, I really hope so anyways. There was a sneaky question on the Math test...But I got it! Why for, you say? Because I'm a pro. Yeah Baby!

In the past few months, I have had an interest in taxes(strangely enough), real estate, and other fun stuff.

I am a person who believes that there are "folds" in life. For those who don't know, a fold is basically when something happens, and you don't realize it yet, but there is some strange possible reason it may have happened. For instance, maybe you get a quarter change, and forget that it's in your pocket until the only day you happen to wear them again in two years, and then you need a quarter for a parking spot because the one day of the year you go downtown, the only open spot is pay parking. Well, the fold would be the coincidence that you happen to have the quarter in your pants, just to use for the parking. Two years ago was when you last wore them, and you never park downtown. Now that you know what a fold is, you will see them, and notice them all of the time. It's really quite interesting.

Okay, okay, so finally back to my new love of real estate books...I was just reading this part in the book, and what am I really going to do with such a book? Just gain the knowledge...But, it just so happens that because of that book, I was able to snag that one sneaky question on the test today. It was a fold.

Well, I suppose I should go tanning now. I need some new things to do around town, so If anybody actually reads this, give me some ideas. I'm trying to avoid certain places I used to go with certain people, or not avoid really, but more of create new atmosphere.

So that's pretty much my life right now. That and I'm going to Maui in like two weeks. :D yay!

So you found out

2005-04-11T00:10:00.000-06:00

“So I found out”

Over msn when you invited me for coffee
with yourNew girlfriend

Oh, but you didn’t intend to hurt me.
You hurt me.

I trusted you.

I guess it didn’t matter As long as you got sex
It was my fault for ignoring my gut

And my fault for not listening to myself
So I found outOver msn, and you saw it as part of our friendship

I don’t sleep with my friends
So I found out

I don’t like to care about anyone
Which is why this hurt so much, because you somehow snuck in

Or did you really?
Did you really?

I could look at it all, and say, what an asshole
Or I could look at it all and say, it doesn’t matter what I do now

Because It doesn’t
I know, no matter what I do, it won’t change anything

So I found outIn a bad way, so very undecent
And now I’m writing a crappy poem

One I know isn’t even very good
Because it’s the best thing I can think of

And I keep thinking…I’ve already cried on the floor
And I might just cry more

I told you I felt used
My ego is bruised, probally more than my heart

I just think, how could I have let another one in?
Why does it always go this way?

I just thought I could stop looking for a while
Stop protecting myself

But I think about it and I call my closest friends for support
And I call them and tell them

“So I found out…”

They all come back

2005-04-06T01:14:00.000-06:00

I like writing my blog on here, because only people I actually like in a recriprocal way can read it.

I am really happy right now. Four of my friends are back from trips.

Chelsea is back from Guatemala.
Lindy is back from Ontario.
Justin is back from Hong Kong and other fun Asian Places.
Courtenay is back from Mexico.

1. When I was dropping Chelso off at her house, she said to me, "I have a present for you." I looked at her, in the dark of my car and the minimal illumination of the exterior lights of her house, and she produced a Beaded Bracelet. It is made up of three rows, the two outer rows, and small round wooden beads, smooth and slightly shiney. The middle beads are made of long, almost oval shaped dark brown wood that looks slightly weathered. She gave it to me, and as we were putting it on my wrist, "You might not like it now, because I notice you are wearing shiney, silvery stuff now, but I got it for you." I told her I liked it. And I do. It was so nice of her to think of me and bring me back a bracelet. A little thing can mean a lot.

2. Lindy is doing well, and just returned from her journey to get pregnant. Her sister Shelby can't have kids due to medical problems, and so Lindy has decided to be a surrogate mother for her sister. Lindy went down to Scarbrough, Ontario, to get an embryo implanted in her Uterus. We will get to try things out with a Pregnancy test on April 10th. I really am hoping all goes well. Lindy, Heather, and I got together for a wicked coffee talk, filled with stimulationg conversatoin, a decision to start a sex magazine, and pictures from when Lindy had all of the fun invetro stuff being done to her.

3. Justin got back from Hong Kong, and he is definately in a new phase of his life. He is moving to Kelowna too, which is going to be great for him, because I think he will get to 'restart'. Everybody needs that once in a while. I have seen some of his pictures, including a collage of him passed out in Bangkok, sent to me by his brother. He and Ryan, one of his brothers got me this really pretty Asian Style Shirt. I wore it over my fitted black sweater at Bean to Cup tonight(local coffee shop where we all hang out for hours on end), and got so many compliments. I was really touched by their thoughtfulness. Thanks Justin and Ryan! :D

4. Courtenay is back from Mexico. I saw her pictures, and it sounds like she had a good time. I bet she would be a fun person to travel with. I really must hang out with her more often.

There you have it. Aside from that, I am applying for a shankyclubfun Job tomorrow, and I really hope I get an interview out of it. I want this job so bad. I want it because It means I can still do everything I want, and live where I want to live.

All in all, right now, life is good. :D

And...Talking with friends about an Across Canada trip has really brought me to life. I am so exited.

Cool things to look forward to:

Making a Film Noir with friends ;)
Canadian Road Trip. All female. All of Canada.
Spending time with friends! YAY!
Hopefully getting the job I want hardcore.
Going to Maui this month for 17 days
Playing on a soccer team! Wafrigginho. I am just waiting for the one of the ladies teams to pick me up.

For the first time in my life, I feel like I really know what I want. It's amazing, and it took so long. If anybody is reading this, and not sure what they want, just be patient, and love yourself even if you dont' know.

I am really happy right now.

I could listen to you talk all night

2005-03-22T02:51:00.000-07:00

I have been writing on livejournal.com for a long time...I think over a year now. My decision; I don't like it anymore. I don't like that most of the lj friends, aren't really friends. I'd rather have an obsecure blog in the middle of nowhere where nobody knows where I type, and nobody comments than just know that nobody comments...
Oh well it's not the end of the world.
What's new with me?
I went to a scrapbooking party tonight. I bought this whacked little corner cutter and some funky tape instrument. It only cost me about thirty dollars to boot...JOY! That's how much I spent on a book today...Not to mention ten dollars for a photo and $5 for food. That's about $65 dollars more than I should have been spending.
I also should be writing a speech for Marie-Mai right now, but I am wishing now that I didn't tell her I would write it for her.
I haven't been to the latest Jaycees meeting, or to the speech classes I signed up for. I feel like a let down, but I am just a girl who needs to be free, so why should I feel bad?
I saw Robots the other night and it made me smile like a child who was stunned with that look and feel of awe and wonder. It was good. So was the incredibles. I loved that. I just love the ideas you see that go into these movies. I'd be so good and creative on one of these animation writing teams. I have so much bottled up that could be so much fun for so many people!
I have been thinking of moving to Van in July/August. I had better do it too, because I've told people I was planning on doing it.
So what's my problem? I'm a little nervous about city traffic, and how I'll do psychologically. I am also really bummed to leave the Okanagan and my family five hours away. It might not sound bad to others, but to me, it's truly a sad thing.
The Okanagan will always be my home, so maybe just knowing that, it'll be alright.
Anyways, I need sleep. Time for bed.

Aren't I just miss smartie pants...

2005-03-22T02:48:00.000-07:00

Advanced
You scored 93% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 87% Advanced, and 72% Expert!

You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, and advanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% of each of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.

Woot I rock :D

Two types of Blogs

2005-03-18T00:27:00.001-07:00

The blogs that talk about what people did and the blogs that talk about how people feel.

I just wrote a whole blog, and it didn't post. So now, I feel pissed off.

Two types of Blogs

2005-03-18T00:27:00.000-07:00

Arrrg! People are on my nerves!

2005-03-01T00:36:00.000-07:00

Why would I take people off my msn? Maybe because we never talk on it and I could have other people on my msn who I actually talk with...I'm sick of this shit where I do all the work in a "friendship" and nobody else does, so that's why I'd get rid of people off my msn list, I do the work, and others do nothing. It got tiring, and it got old, nobody thinks it's cute.I'm not being mean, I'm just being absolutley logical. Why keep a pair of old shoes in the closet when they just sit there? I could buy a new pair of shoes and wear them isntead...That said, there are old shoes that I will always love that will always have a place in my heart...but some old shoes are just not a comfortable fit, so why bother? I just plain won't invest effort, where effort is not invested back.Right now, I'm seriously having issues. A whole ago, I found myself very angry, not insecure, but sick of people treating me like I'm invalid and didn't matter, because I do. I am a human being, and I will be treated like one.In a book I once read, a line read "You can create a paradise or a heaven for yourself." It's true, and I've simply been putting it into action. I would rather surround myself with positive caring relationships than ones with no value. I might have invested value in relationships, but now I can see when there isn't value. I want value in my relationships.

Open for Business!

2005-02-07T00:20:00.000-07:00

http://www.cafepress.com/nikram

This is the goofy little business I put into action today. Go girl go.

Silver Star gets a taste of me

2005-02-06T16:58:00.000-07:00

It was Feb 5th, Sheena’s Birthday, and she decided she wanted to do her Birthday up at the Star. I offered to drive, and picked up Rajie, and then Sheena. We went up to the hotel, checked in, and I pretended that I was hearing things for the first time at the front desk. It was funny. We proceeded to get our stuff into the room, and then we decided to check out all the dining options. Pizza ended up being our prime choice. Our choice was Vegetarian—With Chicken. How’s that for spice of life?We also indulged in small pieces of cheesecake and creampuff. It was delectable. I should add that half way through dinner, which was very informal, Amber and Jack showed up, and we shared our pizza with them. Even though it was really good and cost a whopping $30 dollars. After dinner, we had some coolers that I brought, we chit chatted, and waited for some of Sheena’s co-workers to show up. They arrived, and we all introduced ourselves and chatted some more. Eventually we changed into our Summery Gear, to follow suit with the Saloon’s Beach Party theme for the evening. During the course of the evening, I drank about 3.5 coolers, and two Corona. I may have had a slight, time-release hangover. It wasn’t bad though. I slept it off.For the most part, I just chilled at the table, except for the adventures I had in the girls bathroom…Those included flying toilet paper, signing a girls t-shirt on the ‘chestal’ area and adjusting bra straps for a complete stranger. That’s what really happens in girls bathrooms.Slowly the Saloon turned back into a pumpkin, well, not exactly, but it did close at 1 O’clockish.I did spend a good portion of the evening flirting with a hottie. So I had covered all points for a ‘good night’.We meandered back to the hotel room, where I was curious about how to find Cody to pay him for Liquor that he’d picked up for us. Jack volunteered to go to the village to help find him, and then Rajie did too. Rajie was hilarious. She hadn’t had too much to drink, but it hit her really hard. It was so funny.In the longrun, we never found Cody, but we did have a trip to the village with liquor bottles in our jackets, and proceeded to drink openly in the village. We also managed to paruse one end of the Chilcoot Confrence Center, roaming through the bathrooms, the stairwells, and we utilized the elevator with the skill of…a lawyer in New York. We also found a Laundry trolly—To sum this up, basically, someone got a ride in a Laundry Trolly. I also took it upon myself to practice some interior decorating. I thought it’d be fun, and mildly sneaky, to switch the pillows from the lobby area of each floor, just one pillow, and mess with everybody’s head. That was sheer joy.I also brought the pillows on the elevator and sat on them in the corner. What a smooth ride. The shimmiest elevator ride since…well…the shimmiest elevator ride ever!After we grew tired of playing in our hotel building, we decided to go up to the hostel. We found Mini-Avril, some white guy with a huge white fro to match, and buddy who didn’t stand out at all, and the six of us made our way to the hostel together. The walk was uphill, so I huffed at least once, and maybe puffed twice.When we got to the hostel, we noticed people practicing a mountain climbing exercise by climing over and under a table without falling off.In the midst of this I happened to walk by a ping pong table. Where the guys stared at me and said, ‘Hottie, hottie, hottie’ like some scary African chant. It was there that I met ‘Todd’, who was the littlest Australian, with some big lines. Lines like, ‘Here, you can stand in my arms in front of me and I’ll still win this round of ping pong.’ I must say, as he promised, I didn’t get hit in the face with a ping pong ball. Instead, he rebounded the ball as though he was used to playing with a girl in front of him.Well, after visiting with him, Saroj and I made our way to the other end of the room, where I danced like there was no tomorrow. Throwing pillows from couches, tossing magazines, karate moves; my dancing had no boundaries. Anyways, after a while, we got bored and went back to the room. We finally went to bed at 3, which was pretty early considering. Everybody else was already in bed, but we stayed up late and pushed the ‘adventure.’ It was completely amusing, and completely silly, but it was a good night, and I’m so very, very glad that I went.This morning, we got some yummy pastries from Buggaboo’s and boy were they good. All in all, what I ate last night, and this morning…was entirely fattening, and nowhere on my diet.

Nicey Nice Day

2005-02-03T05:22:00.000-07:00

Today found me preparing cardboard boxes for the clutches of the evil shredder...And tossing dough like no tomorrow. I am getting better and better at tossing the pizza dough. I tell ya.I have been addidcted to that silly site www.habbohotel.ca
I'm trying to figure out how to set up an apartment room in there. :DI have been meeting lots of people lately.
I saw someone today who made my day. :D I even got a hug.
Also, while at work, the song 'Change' by Widemouth Mason played on 105.7, and I used to call and harass them and request the song, knowing full well they didn't have it, but I bumped into my friend Trevor who worked there one night...And he told me he'd try to get it at the station. And then today, when it came on the radio, I figured that Trevor had done it for me! Isn't that rad?That made me smile inside too.
But mostly. Just that one hug made me smile. :D It was so nicey nice.
Haha, oh, and while I was pissed off at work, at this stupid customer, I won't even explain, Jessica says to me, 'I've never seen you look more beautiful than you look right now...." I laughed so hard at that. I guess I'm cute when angry...

'Big Amy' does 'A Taste of Vernon'

2005-01-30T19:21:00.000-07:00

So I went and Volunteered today at the Taste of Vernon, and that was fun. We had to wear white shirts and black pants.The turn out was pretty good, and so was the food!The best thing I ate were these little florentines. They had a white chocolate base, piled with fresh crisp, and buttery almonds with whipped cream and brown sugar mixed in. It was so amazing. WOW. I dream of Florentines...Yummy.There was also a really good looking guy there, so that was a pleasant surprise. I wasn't going to check out guys...I was actually there just to help, for fun.I felt good, being a little more dressed up than usual, so I think I'm just going to wear this outfit out and about and then change and go for a walk later.I met a bunch of the JAYCEES and that was cool, they were all really friendly. I guess I'm joining. I said I was going to, but I've been procrastinating because I think I've been 'personal slacking' lately, and I didn't want to bring that into a group. When I'm going, and working hard, I'm an asset to any team. I know it. I am damned creative, and I'm friendly and fun. So thar!Muahahah.I also somehow got nicknamed 'Big Amy', which makes me laugh.:D Yay! I have a new nickname. Someone said, 'Big Amy? But you're not that big...?!"It was grand.

'Eyelash curlers, this is the first world...'
'We can try and we can fall and we can fight to make it better'
'Girl it's a setup and you're meant to fail'
Such a good song...
'Fight for your right for a life without fear'
~*Girl for all seasons-Northern State*~

Soul Food

2005-01-30T03:36:00.000-07:00

Soul foodBaby
I’m a little bit hungry
Let’s go to the kitchen and make ourselves a snack

A little bit of spice
A little bit of TLC
A little bit of you and me

Soul food
Let’s go eat
And give into this deep sensation, give into this deep craving

Soul food baby
While I’m fast asleep
After full-filling my needs

Soul food, baby
I need
Soul food

Adventures of Lady Espionage

2005-01-27T00:35:00.000-07:00

Today my mission saw me working at the Pizza shop again. Earlier in the day, I had been prepped with the secret video instructions hidden in the movie of AVP, alien versus predator. Anyone who is a servant of espionage could see the obvious sleuth message in the movie's theme. Alien verses Predator. It's always two sides, and I had instructions from the movie, 'Leave the marked one alive'.
They came to me at work, they ordered their pizzas, and then he came in, with a mark on his cheek. I then thought about it, I hadn't been able to kill anyone off, my resolve was weak, but I could definately leave them alive. Instead, I would pretend that I'd read the message wrong, 'leave the marked one olive.'
It was a pizza shop, and we had olives. Of all the pizza joinots in the world, he had to walk into mine. He was tall, well built, and dark haired. Just like the type of a guy out of a movie. He was obviously a planner; he had ordered his pizza 20 minutes earlier. As I pulled the pizza out of the oven I asked him: 'Would you like a box with this?'
Keen to my obvious message in the spy world, he said, 'Yes please,' and, he added, 'I'd like something on top...something hot.'
Just then my attention was diverted to the second incredibly good-looking man. To him I turned and said,
"Are you here to pick up?"
"Yes, he said, but I haven't ordered yet. I don't always know what I want."
It was as he smiled, that I saw it. He was marked also. I had quite a dilemma. Obviously one of these men was an imposter, the man I was not supposed to give the information to. Who would be the man of the olive offering?
Man number one must have felt my need for time to decide, and ordered breadsticks.
Man number two had apparently just decided on a Pizza with Hot Sausage, and so I went to make it.
The two men eyed each other intently, and as I glanced up, she walked in.
She was shorter than a model, and slightly taller than me. She had gorgeous red hair, and fair skin to boot. Her blue eyes were like a cruelean sea and beckoned me forward. "Are you pick up only?" She said.
At this, I glanced down to her chest, with a trained eye of a lady of espionage, and read her shirt, 'Marked One' it said.
I looked her straight in the eye, and told her, 'Oh yes, we deliver.'
It was then, that we double teamed the two men in the waiting area, and got them off the pizza shop property. I looked at her and handed over the 'hot information'.
She looked at me intently, and I winked and said, "Olive you."

Just another day in the pizza shop as a Lady Spy.

Shiney Disco Balls

2005-01-24T00:22:00.000-07:00

I was just reading someone else's entry...and it said that it's hard to meet someone of quality...
I agree. I keep looking around, and hoping my stare will land on someone decent, but I'm not seeing anything. In general, I don't put myself out there at all, I just kind of don't want to put that effort out there. I feel like whenever I do it's a waste of energy. All the guys I seem to be meeting are missing one of two things a:i'm not attracted to them or b:they have no personalityFor so many young people in one place, it's really hard to meet people here.
On a tangent, I realized that somewhere along the last five years I have become a pessimist. In this way I can prepare for any pitfalls and be ready to dig myself out in case I need to. Expect the worse, and hope for the best. That seems to be my motto. It feels more logical then being a plain optimist...
I went to flashbacks for the first time last night, and I really liked it. It had really decent floor space and I loved the music. There was such a diverse crowd there, and I really dug that.
Two memorable songs they played, that 'shiney disco balls' song, I just busted out and gave her like I haven't in ages. The other song was faith by limp bizkit, I was jumping around so much my hair fell down from the way I had it done up. Boo.
I also got to see Becky too, and I haven't seen her for far too long. I spent way too much money yesterday in Kelowna, on clothes, food, home decor and entertainment. YES THE STRIPPERS! No, just kidding, it was Scandia, and everybody kept their clothes on.Muahhahaha

Cold weather Hermit

2005-01-15T00:54:00.000-07:00

So I sent this message to Lindy tonight on msn:

I was going to stop by
but it was too cold
I was gonna bring you subway

That's pretty much how I feel about going out and doing anything these days. It was -24 degrees tonight, which is a whole six warmer than last night. It was so cold that metal burned my fingers...(from being so frozen).
It's 12:00 here, and I'm already tired, and ready for bed. I am turning into some 'adult' version of me that gets up early. And goes to bed early. That's so not me.
I have been thinking lately that people have been driving me crazy, when I realized that I've just been letting them do it. I keep reminding myself that I need to try to be a little bit nicer, because I've been slipping in the friendly department. I think it's just cause I'm a little hurt from some people right now. I hate admitting that I am a little hurt. It's just as bad as admitting that I have feelings...(damn it, I just admitted it, didn't I?)
And what is with this stupid everybody falling in love around me shit? I=jealous, just a little. They get to fall in love, and I get to hope that one day I'll meet someone that captures my attention, in an equal way.
It's been so cold lately, that it has actually deterred me from spending money. That takes really, really cold weather, let me tell you. I'm a female shopper through and through, but damn, when my nose gets red and I can feel snot freeze...I'm an assicle.
I miss Schmelsea, she's in Guatemala! :( I am actually physically missing her right now.
I am on day three of my diet, and on day 2 officially! but so far I've lost 2 lbs. Yay. Hello skinny bitch! :D hahaha...That's an inside joke...with myself.

(*Disclaimer: Please note that author may be suffering with temporary brain freeze due to extreme low temperatures and any statement about love or feelings or emotions or any of that other shit should be appealed and struck from the reader's memory as the author was legally insane at the time of the writing. What a pretty duck. Wait...What?!)

Reinvention Begins

2005-01-11T00:07:00.000-07:00

My friend Eamon and I talked today, and after I'd left msn, I came back and noticed a question."Do you ever want to totally reinvent?" Or something like that.And I thought yes. All the time.Right now, I feel like that reflective character in a movie who says, well there are things I like about myself, and there are things I don't like about myself. I want to change that. And then the movie would begin...In the past I found breif stages of peace of mind after reading books on a religion defined as 'agnostic christian' called Novus Spiritus. It has the best beliefs I have seen in any religion. I am not writing about this to preach, but I just feel that maybe for the emptiness I feel inside it's time to get in touch with my spirituality and with who and what I want to be.One thing I really liked about this religion is that it calls God 'all loving' and it accepts gay relationships. I have a gay cousin who is one of my favorite relatives, and this makes me happy to see a religion for once, that is more accepting towards ALL people.It's about being here to learn for God, and being kind to others, and helping others. Once again, I'm not trying to preach, rather putting my thoughts down on keyboard. I have my moments, when I think that all the pressure of which religion is 'right' drives me crazy. Not really crazy, but it makes me uneasy, because what if I choose the wrong one? In NS, it doesn't matter if you choose the 'wrong' religion, you won't be doomed to eternal hell fire, but praised for loving God instead in your way...no matter which religion.So I hope that in embracing spirituality in the next little while, that maybe I will change in a positive way.

SO I will sit tonight, in front of my tv for about an hour, and think just like every other night, but this time, I will think about my life with direction.

2005---The official first entry

2005-01-04T03:33:00.000-07:00

I guess I better write an entry for 2005's beginning.Maybe of things I will do. Maybe of things I simply hope to do.Or maybe I just won't write that.Do you ever wonder who you matter to?Aside from the people that you know care?I needed to write that down.SO today was my first day back on WW.I did...Um...Not so great.I started at 23 points...and finished wtih...28.I guess it's not that bad, but, I need to do better.I had the annual Becky, Justin and Amy hang out tonight, and it was cool. Justin was really cool about some stuff he said, and he said something that really made me feel good. Tonight after the BP JAB hang out, I went to Checkers to see Donna. It was funny. We got Kristina too. I got there, and there was a girl I'd gone to school with and her brother. They both remembered me, and I think me and Tera are going to write a play together. I was really surprised that her brother remembered me, because I only really remember him from Highschool. He looks different, but the same. I thought his name was Justin, but it was Dustin instead. I was so close. He said he thought we met at Tammy's once, and I really didn't remember. And it's funny, cause I thought I'd have remembered him if I met him again since highschool...But I didn't. lolTold Tera about my Ice World Story, and she really liked it. I was stoked to see someone appreciated my story. It made me big happy. One day I will actually write a book.

Death by Christmas Social Gatherings

2004-12-29T03:10:00.000-07:00

I have just been going, going, going and meeting and greeting like crazy. I dont' think I've stayed home and had a chill alone night since school finished up.
I had some good times, like a Murder Mystery, a couple Staff Christmas Parties, a little excessive drinking.
I'm really sad cause Chelsea's going away to Guatemala on the third of January, and she's my not-so secret girlfriend. :( I will miss her, really. I met her cousin tonight at Coffee, and there's just this cool vibe to him, I instantly liked him, he just had friendly eyes(it may have helped that he was hot-just a little tho). We all met up for Coffee at Bean to cup.
I saw Chris from Montreal, that was cool. Bryan called me today to say he was in town, and that was cool, we went to Ruckers after I met up with he, Justin and Chris at Starbucks, and we played DDR and we sucked compared to everyone else. Seriously. I can't even tell you how crazy this one kid was. He was talented. There was also another fellow in Ruckers that was doing backflips and practicing some kind of martial arts. I enjoyed it. Wished it was me. lol.
Tonight I recorded some of the songs I wrote, so I could remember the tune. Most I don't really remember, and what I did record with a good tune, well, I think my voice sounds so 12 years old.
It worked out well enough with my Slam Poetry that I recorded though, and I was happy.
So my day in review:
Got up.
Felt my eyes burn.
Felt my eyes burn more.
Watched LOTR Return of the king extended version.
Had a shower, and listened to the Kos CD.
Recorded song and slam.
Had issues with my hair, and changed my eyeshadow colour like three times. Seriously, what was my problem?
Went to the bucks.
Booted over to Ruckers to play DDR and won over a hundred tickets and gave them to a little girl(Bryan won some too-just so I don't take all the credit).
Met up with Chelso, Shane, and Len.
Came home.
Felt my eyes burn.
Wrote this.

2004 In Review

2004-12-15T03:08:00.000-07:00

This has been an interesting year in terms of experience and personal growth.
I think a lot of my experiences have helped me to be a stronger person.
I started the beginning of the year unemployed, and depressed. I got a job working at a clothing store for a while, and quit when the manager tried to blame her scheduling problems on me on the record, when it wasn’t my fault. I learned how to stand up for myself.
Then I went to Maui with my family. It was all very interesting, and I experienced culture shock as soon as we were in the international section of the airport. I realized that Americans and Canadians don’t have nearly as good a relationship as we should have, and that we hear so many stories that we easily become prejudiced. I am happy to say that I have been able to open my heart just a little bit more because of that realization.
While in Maui, I weighed the most I ever had, and learned how to walk along in a bikini, and not care what anybody thought. I also learned valuable lessons like taking off a watch before swimming that isn’t water proof, and that it is possible for me to just sit and do nothing for an hour while sitting beside the pool tanning.
I got the best tan that I have had in my entire life. I felt great just because of the tan, even though I was heavy.
While I was in Maui, I was a little lonely, and I did a lot of thinking about who my real friends were. Part of this thinking, with more thoughts about this lead me to delete about twenty people from my msn list, and move on. A lot of people aren’t worth my time or effort, but it took me until December to finally realize this. Back to Maui though.
Sometime in between getting back from Maui, and September, I organized a rad Scavenger Hunt, and it was a huge success. About 18 people came. David also turned 19 in August. My little bro is apparently an adult now…Go figure.
Going to Maui was something that I wanted to do for a long time, I always wanted to go to Hawaii.
After Maui, I decided that I wanted to go back to school and become a French teacher. I ended up going back to school in September, taking courses focused on a Major in French for a Bachelor of Arts.
Classes went well, and so did the driving. After a while I got tired of all the driving, and showed up less and less to certain classes. The result, well I think I will fail two courses, but the other two I feel I did well in. I also started writing a top ten list for the school paper.
In October, I believe, Donna and Bev came down to visit and I was so happy to see them. We spent one day at Davison hanging out in the pumpkin patch, goofing around and chillin out as buds. I also got to go out for dinner with all of my friends who were very special to me and it was such a nice time.
October wasn’t entirely uneventful aside from that. I had my 22nd Birthday, and met someone that I thought was so cool. It turned out that he wasn’t as cool as I had thought, and it made me realize that I was worth more than that, and rethink why I had been interested in the first place. Halloween was such a great night, Lindy and I went to Courtenay, Marcus and Nathan’s dressed as Hot Action Cops, shortly after getting the CD and loving the band, and it was so much fun. I have a great picture of us. About a week before Halloween, I also went to Courtenay’s Fetish theme Birthday party.
November was a month full of Blues, as it always is.
On a positive side, I did see Shane Kroyzan, the best, and most amazing slam poet ever. It was good times. I have also noticed that all my friends will be gone from Vernon by September 2005, and that it’s time for me to make a move in my life too. I am aiming for Kelowna, but we’ll see just what happens, because nothing is set in stone.
During November, I also started working at Bredeaux Pizza, and I really enjoy it.
December has been a really promising month so far. I have been having fun with friends, going to Christmas Parties and Events and Meeting a lot of new people. I think next year will hold a lot of promise for me.

Out till 3:30

2004-12-09T05:35:00.000-07:00

I'm a Rebel. Went out with FS kids, it wasn't great, so I left at one thirty.
I managed to spend slightly less of two hours hanging out chatting with Marcus...Time sure flew by...

Oh, and I saw this guy that looked like Orlando Bloom tonight. It totally looked just like him. Celebrities get around to small towns, so you never know. I didn't go and introduce myself tho, because If I was a celebrity...I wouldn't want to be mauled by strangers. :P I'm sure it wasn't him tho... :P

The Indoor Soccer Girl Strikes Again

2004-12-08T16:31:00.001-07:00

Played Indoor! Yay. My lungs were burning cold. I felt like I had some lung disease. I was like, so this is what happens when I am out of shape. Hack Hack.
I was out last night. We started at Bean to Cup to Meet up with Marina and Saroj, and Lindy, and then Heather and I went over to KOB's to meet up for Mark's Birthday. There were like 20 people there, and of course the FS Crew, which is always fun. Mark had tonnes of Liquor, and I am impressed that he was still standing by the end of the night. We took him to the rippers where Brett got him a lap dance, and the look on his face on the way out was priceless. He was just smiling. That happy dirty accomplished smile. I laughed to myself on the inside. And then I poked whoever was beside me and said, "Look at the look on his face, priceless....(and laughed on the outside too)." The rippers wasn't good. I've seen better, but not a place I'd like to hang out at often(or frequently, or at all). Then we went to 'the house' which is M & N's place, and we just hung out and talked, and I ate a 7-11 pita(which is such a key point and most definately mentnion worthy).
Then we left and I came home and fell asleep almost right away. No breathing problems or anything. That was a nice touch.
I had one double last night, and today, I feel hung over. Why?

2004-12-08T16:31:00.000-07:00

Soccer Star Extrordinaire--Slightly Out of Shape

2004-12-08T04:55:00.000-07:00

So tonight was my first real official type of soccer game in 5 years. Five years!I thought I was gonna be all cry afterwards, but so much of it came back.It was great. I even used some footwork a couple times, and I challenged a fair bit, I would have done better if I was in better shape though. I am happy. Today, I smile inside.Today, I celebrate living today to it's fullest, because I drove to hillview, where the drop in was supposed to be, to see it obviously wasn't there, and then to the rec center to find out where it was, and went even though there was only half an hour left.It was worth it. Today I lived, just because I played soccer.If I can learn anything from having depression, I have learned self doubt. I have also learned that some people don't ever doubt themselves, and I have learned how to encourage others.If I can learn anything from having a fucked up knee, it's appreciation for the game and appreciation to be able to play. Appreciation for love of the game, and confidence in your physical self. And It's understanding for those who have not been able to do everything they want to physically.If I can learn anything from not being able to breathe well, it's that there are others in the world who suffer more and that I have to just do my best to get by and function normally.If I have learned anything from what hardships we have in life, is that they're our problems, and it's up to us to do the best we can and take what we can from them, and to use them to try to help others.This may sound like a load of shit, but I believe it. And so, in my books, it's pure gold.

You've won me over again

2004-11-30T16:26:00.000-07:00

Well, there's nothing to get the entreprenurial juices flowing like direct online marketing and tangible products and stumbling onto the raddest website ever. Muahahahahahaha! ha. That last ha was for effect.

Today, I will do nothing, then tomorrow, I will start with graphic design for the shirts I will sell online. Who knows if it will make money, realistically, no, it's not going to, but...The good news, there is no start-up cost, so it really doesn't matter. Ha. :D That's right, it really doesn't matter.

Oh yeah.

"Every day is the same same thing, different faces with no names, faces I've never seen before.
Every day is the same thing, different faces with no names, faces I've never been before...
And I begin to wonder."

Late night introspection

2004-11-26T03:36:00.000-07:00

So here I am, I am here
I am tired...My Circadian Rhythm is all fucked up. Instead of being able to go to sleep at a normal time, it doesn't work that way right now. I'm awake until 3 am, and then I sleep in until about 11.
Today's test sucked for Lit because it was only on one chapter, of seven, and the one that I spent the least amount of time on. I was up until 3 am last night trying to make it stick in my mind.
I went to class today, and worked. Work was great, as always. It was a little slow though, and so we got everything done.
I am glad that I have a job like this, where you work more with your fellow employees rather than just customers who just take take take and never give(except for cash when they're paying). I know that sounds bad, but I am talking about being a cashier.
Lately I have been considering going back to finish what I started Schoolwise 4 years ago. I know it's something that I can excel in. I just wonder why before I felt so off track while I was doing it. Maybe it is completely wrong for me, and still would be, but maybe it was just timing.
I wish I knew the answers sometimes. I really wish that I did.

First Time

2004-11-17T15:36:00.000-07:00

Just switched to a new blog cause the last site sucked.
This one is cooler looking.